Understanding Why She Behaves Differently From You
Understand why girls may act differently. When a man is confused by a woman, he may dismiss her behavior as crazy or irrational. However, everyone has reasons for what they do—you just need to look more closely to see the logic behind the differences. For women, many of these behavioral differences have something to do with a thing called "socialization." Socialization is all of the positive and negative influences the world and other people have on a person; it affects their personality, beliefs, attitudes, and worldview.[1] Some examples of socialization include:
- The idea of "girl toys" and "boy toys." Some people have started to defy this idea in recent years; however, it's still a general rule that dolls and kitchen sets are "for girls" and trucks and toy weapons are "for boys."
- The belief that femininity is inferior. Typically this is an undertone, not overt. Think about it: calling a girl "boyish" or a "tomboy" is a harmless description, while calling a boy "girly" is an insult. "Chick flicks" are made fun of. Stereotypically female pastimes, such as shopping and getting beauty treatments, are seen as shallow or silly, even by many females, who consider themselves superior for liking sports or books.
- Cultural standards of beauty. In most Western nations, the ideal woman, according to TV and magazines, is thin but curvy, with flawless skin and gorgeous hair. This gives girls an impossible standard to strive for.
- Recognize that girls are socialized to hide feelings too, just in different ways than boys are. A "good girl" is quiet, obedient, and very, very polite. Thus, girls might feel that it is inconvenient to others if they express less-than-cheerful feelings, or say that they are upset by something you did.
- Girls may be discouraged from expressing anger, or even asserting themselves. Thus, some of them end up repressing a lot.
- Remember that every woman is different. This article is here to offer you a general idea of what women are like. However, it certainly cannot speak for every woman. Use these steps as a guide and work from there.
- Understanding Her Behavior
- Some girls hide their unhappy feelings, which can make meaningful communication more difficult. If a girl you know does this, here is how to pick up on clues to how she feels.
- She may seem aloof if she is upset about something. She may talk less, be physically farther from you, or look elsewhere. She might seem disinterested, stressed, or sad.
- Asking "What's wrong?" may work, but it could also result in an "I don't know" or an untruthful "Nothing." This is usually a sign that she's afraid of asserting herself. You can ask more specific questions (e.g. "Have I done something to upset you?") or you can say "I'm willing to listen if you'd like to talk about it."
She may pretend that things are fine when they aren't. Some women are very reluctant to express needs or wants, because they feel like they aren't supposed to. This, obviously, isn't healthy. She will act differently than normal, and probably break down or start talking if you gently ask if something is wrong once or twice. Many girls don't show when they are struggling, no matter how much they would like to be comforted or helped. 
- She may act like you don't care about her if she's mad at you. Girls might act cold and aloof when you have upset them. Conversations with you may be cut short, and she may seem hurt or frustrated. She might suddenly prefer the company of other people.
- In this case, it's especially important to ask her what is wrong. After that conversation, give her a reminder of how much you love her (a big hug, kind words, giving ice cream, a romantic date, etc.).
- She may become quiet if you say something that upsets her. Some girls don't feel comfortable with speaking up when they disagree, so instead she may withdraw. This is especially likely if you are saying something rude or insensitive, or are insulting something or someone she cares about.
- Ask what is wrong before you assume it is your fault. For example, maybe you mentioned a person who was being a total jerk, and it reminded her of the guy who has been bullying her. Her sadness may not be your fault.
- She may seek attention or affection if she feels insecure. If she's upset, lonely, hurt, or otherwise unhappy, she may seek attention from a person she trusts. This gives you an opportunity to comfort her.[2]
- If it's a bad time, be upfront and reschedule or offer an alternative. Offering a different opportunity to connect shows her that your saying "no" to her is not a rejection of her, just a sign of bad timing.
- Recognize that openness is a sign of trust. If she feels safe around you, she'll open up to you more, sharing her interests, opinions, ideas, and even secrets.
Understanding Her in a Relationship
Recognize the signs of flirting. Girls tend to flirt when they want to deepen their relationship with you, or capture your attention. Keep an eye on her body language. Common signs she likes you include...[3]
- Playing with her hair
- Making excuses to touch you
- Trying to get your attention
- Facing you and leaning towards you
- Smiling at you
- Making prolonged eye contact, or looking at you a lot
- Seeming pleased when you pay attention to her
Recognize the signs that she wants to kiss. Girls may not ask for a kiss directly, but instead hint at it and hope you'll catch on. She may act coy, or be awkward about it, or take a more assertive approach. A girl may signal that she wants to kiss by...
- Getting her face close to yours
- Smiling at you
- Biting or licking her lip
- Making eye contact (or trying to, but acting shy)
- Touching your face
- Looking excited when you start moving in for a kiss
- Recognize that she may talk about the things she secretly wants. Since girls may be afraid to ask for what they want outright, they may talk about something they want in the hopes that you'll notice and do it for them.
- If she gushes about a romantic gesture that her friend's boyfriend did, it may be that she'd love a similar romantic gesture from you.
- For example, "Picnics are so romantic" might mean "I'd love to go on a picnic with you sometime, especially if you surprised me."
- Keep in mind that extra niceness can be a sign of insecurity. Sometimes, when she goes the extra mile for you, it's because she fears losing you and she wants to please you. If she's nervously doing something nice for you, it might be worth asking her if she's worried about something, and reassuring her that you're not going anywhere.
- Don't jump to conclusions, though: nice gestures don't always mean something is worrying her. They can also mean that she really likes you, or is in a very good mood, or thinks you make her happy and wants to make you happy too.
- Ask what she's thinking if you can't figure it out. It's okay to ask for clarification, whether you do it casually or flirtatiously.
- "Are you flirting with me?"
- "Do I see you hinting for a kiss?"
- "So what's on your mind?"
- "You seem a little stressed. Is something wrong?"
Comments
Post a Comment